Hand jobs and blow jobs are called jobs because they’re tedious and dicks are gross. Going down on a girl is called eating out because it’s a privilege.
Firefly | This is the entire show in one perfect sentence.
Reblogging this again because I’m re-watching the show and think this quote captures the essence of it. Gosh I forgot how much I love this show.
"Just get in the car, Alice. I’ll explain on the way."
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
ray sounding so shocked over the fact that there’s more than one type of omelet in family feud was pure gold
I FOUND IT
NO ONE BELIEVED ME WHEN I SAID I HEARD AN ICE CREAM TRUCK DROPIN BEATS DOWN THE STREET
NOW I HAVE A VID TO PROVE IT OMG I’M SO HAPPY I DIDN’T IMAGINE IT YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME
SO HAS EVERYONE SEEN THE MARVEL ONE-SHOT AGENT CARTER, BECAUSE IF YOU HAVEN’T, I STRONGLY SUGGEST YOU DO SO
This bird knows he looks amazing.
Frogmouths are indeed very handsome devils…
Until they open their mouth…
and you realize they are basically bird muppets.
… no comment…
For extra lulz check out these awesome birds’ awkward baby photos:
I WAS NOT EXPECTING THE HEAD TO BODY RATIO TO BE SO CLOSE TO JUST 1:1
This is a “The Expectation vs The Reality” picture in bird form.
Frogmouths are adorable ‘nuff said
imagine a muggleborn in hogwarts starts singing Bohemian Rhapsody under their breath and then another muggleborn notices and starts singing along
and then suddenly all the muggleborns in the area are belting out the lyrics and head banging and every single pureblood is left utterly confused
The government’s man, he says you’re a danger to us. Not worth helping. Is he right? Are you anything but a weapon? I staked my crew’s life on the theory you’re a person, actual and whole.